A Little Dirt Never Hurt

Being a boy mom in 2023

I’m going to be honest with you guys. When I was growing up playing house or dreaming of being a mom, I don’t think I ever envisioned being a boy mom. All my babies were girls, I always picked girl names for my baby dolls, they always had girl clothes. This probably has something to do with I only had a sister and mostly girl cousins and the poor only boy cousin was always made to play house with us and be the dad, we never played dungeons and dragons or wrestle or any of the other “boy games” I’m sure he would have rather played. So when I found out that I was pregnant with a boy my first pregnancy, while I was so excited, I was also terrified. I didn’t know what to do with a boy. Here’s another honest, sentence. I’m still not sure I know what to do with a boy, but I have two now and I think I’ve figured out a few things. 

I am now a believer that while most girls are challenging in their teen years, boys are probably more challenging in their younger years. I have the right to change my mind when mine are in fact teenagers. I am not naive to think they will be perfect teenagers, but I think that boys have a lot of emotions when they are young. I truly believe how you allow them to express their emotions and show them what to do with these emotions is the best way to help them learn what to do with these emotions and feelings as they grow older. So many generations of men have been told to suppress their emotions and I want my boys to know it’s okay to feel their emotions and let others know they feel too. Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. I want them to be empathetic to their friends, family and someday significant others. If they are not allowed to feel their own emotions how can they be empathetic to others. Young boys have BIG feelings. They are quick to anger and quick to cry with overwhelming sadness, but they are also quick to love. As their mom I’m trying to constantly remind them it’s okay to get mad or frustrated, but it’s not okay to hit your brother, but rather talk to me their feelings, go run outside, punch a pillow or take some deep breaths. We all get mad, but how we react is what matters most. Realizing everyone has those emotions, but how to react to those emotions is what sets us apart. Anger can get a boy in trouble now and later in life. Most boys are external reactors, so when they are mad they tend to hit, bite, scream, scratch etc. while most girls are internal thinkers and they don’t have the same reactions to their emotions. Giving our children the proper outlets to express themselves now can dramatically improve how they handle these strong emotions later in life. 

I say all the time and truly believe children act and say how most of us are feeling in a situation, the rest of us just hide our emotions. Think of the last time you were on an airplane and your flight was delayed taking off, you are on the tarmac about to take off and they come over the intercom saying “Sorry folks, but we’re going to have to sit tight for at least 30 minutes.” Every person on that plane is now annoyed, but every child on that plane has no idea what that means

I recently read a book that validated so many things I had been doing with my boys already and also that my boys are “normal”. I want to raise boys who turn into great men.  Helping them navigate their emotions now can only help them when they are older. Providing a safe space for them to be mad or sad or angry or exhausted or happy or whatever emotion they feel is important. Letting them be in that emotional space with the freedom to just be there and be loved and not ashamed of how they feel. Helping them verbalize and name their feelings are so important. So many men force their feelings down and never talk about how they are feeling and are made to feel like they aren’t allowed to have those emotions. They need to be “strong” and not “weak” in their emotions. That is some serious bull. When my husband has been vulnerable with me and shared how he is feeling about something I know it helps him and it shows our boys that daddy is being strong showing that a grown man can cry.

Blake has more drive than anyone I know. He gets up every morning at 5:30 to go to the gym and then off to work after that. He is usually not home until 5:30 or 6 that night. He then helps with dinner, bath and bedtime and often works some before bed too. Sometimes I ask him aren’t you tired, don’t you want to sleep in and skip the gym this morning, but he always says when he doesn’t work out he doesn’t feel the same, he had less energy and is quicker to get angry or get stressed. He knows his body needs to work to make him emotionally and physically strong. I don’t think he views going to the gym like this often, I know he loves being physically fit, but I know he is emotionally fit as well because of his discipline to his daily work outs. That is not to say he never snaps or never gets angry or stressed, but I think after years he is able to getter recognize when he needs to step away or take a breath.